Christmas Joy

There is something about Christmas that takes my mind back to my childhood. Maybe because smells and music are both powerful memory triggers, and those two things are in abundance this time of year? The sight of Christmas lights always takes me back, too.

I told Frank the other day that I always get kind of nostalgic this time of year, and I miss my family more because I have memories of Christmases "at home" coming back to me all the time. I asked him if he feels the same way, and he said he does.

Lately I've been awash in memories of paintbrush cookies, the excitement of getting to put the star on the tree (when it was my turn), homemade fudge, new dolls and paint sets, and those wonderful homemade dresses my mom made for me every year. Christmas was so exciting for me as a child; it was magic! That is the kind of excitement that you lose as you get older, and that you never get back. (But the excitement of being a parent at Christmas totally compensates!)

I've been pondering lately about what made Christmas so joyful in those days. Mostly, it was the excitement of the unknown--getting new toys, but not knowing what exactly I was getting! There was also all the yummy treats that we didn't get at any other time of year. Underneath all the surface excitement, there was the warm, contented feeling of being with family--of being loved, and knowing it. Then there was the music--I always loved the music, even as a small child. Even then, I felt something special when I sang or listened to Christmas music, although I didn't really understand then what that special feeling was.

So what makes Christmas joyful to me now? I still love the treats, I love getting surprises for my husband and children, I love being with my family, and I still love the music. I feel a different kind of joy these days, though. Although of course I was taught well, and I knew what "the true meaning" of Christmas was as a child, I didn't truly comprehend what that meaning meant for me, personally. I've discovered that knowing about something and really feeling and experiencing it for yourself are completely different. As the years have gone by, I've grown in my experience and understanding of the greatest gift ever given, which we remember at Christmas.

Part of that understanding came to me when I held my 1 week old son, and felt completely overwhelmed with love for him. It was a wonderful feeling, but a frightening feeling, too. I knew I would do absolutely anything to protect him from harm of any kind. I caught a glimpse--just a glimpse--of the terrible sacrifice our Father made for all of us when he allowed His most beloved son to die.

In more recent years, I have come to see the power of the atonement to heal all things--not just to help us overcome sin, which is incredible enough by itself--but to right all wrongs, to heal all hurts, disappointments, and pains. Not just the pain caused by our own actions, but the pain that sometimes comes from the choices others around us make, as well. I've come to see that the atonement is available to help me every single day, not just the days when everything goes wrong.

I feel that joy throughout the year now, but at Christmas time, I feel it even stronger. Now as I sing those songs that I loved as a child, I feel the words resonate in my soul, as I'm sure those who wrote the words felt them. What else can I say except "Joy to the World" and "Glory to God"? for all that He has given us.